The Dominant Male Uber Pickup Artist’s Guide to Getting Laid Using Online Dating

I just discovered Geek’s Dream Girl, and while I’m leery of paying for the service (mostly as I have no money), I found the articles to be often funny and usually informative.

Being, as I am, more than passingly familiar with the Pickup Artist community, I found this  article to be hilarious. I swear I’ve heard this all said before in complete seriousness.

“Now it’s time to get out there on Plenty of Fish or OkCupid.   (As a dominant male, you pay NO ONE to get you dates – well, other than those other dominant males who you paid lots of money to earlier.  That doesn’t count.  Obviously.)”

“Most importantly, the photo you will send after the first contact stage of emails is over:

  • Shot of your package from whatever angle is necessary to make it look huge, throbbing, and virile.   (Women say they don’t want this, but they do.  They can’t resist it.  It’s biology, baby.  That picture says, “I’m man enough to seed your womb with my genetically superior offspring.”)”

Subject:  The Guy Above Me Sucks

Hey sweet thing.  I just wanted to let you know that that guy who emailed you right after me?  He sucks.  Really.  He doesn’t deserve to get the time of day from a hottie like yourself.  Listen, my schedule is super busy but I think you may be worth a shot.  If you’re not interested in a sexy, successful man, I’m sure there are plenty of losers like that other guy in your mailbox.”

That reminds me, I need to finish that article on Taoist dating philosophy.


About R. Jean Mathieu

They say he speaks five languages, was conceived on a chess board, and once seduced a tong boss' daughter and lived to tell the tale. All we know is, he's called Roscoe. You can find more scurrilous lies at and buy his books at View all posts by R. Jean Mathieu

5 responses to “The Dominant Male Uber Pickup Artist’s Guide to Getting Laid Using Online Dating

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