Should You Date a Geek?

And now, wrapping up ‘apparently controversial nerd dating week,’ I’m going to Teach the Controversy (TM) and provide both sides of an argument. First, this old chestnut from the Best of Craigslist:

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are… plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such… but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra… all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models… They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo…”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?”
Me: “Never mind…”

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on…” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code… a geek can dream).

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce…

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get wasted, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps…

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DAMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

Second, the rebuttal, from Honey and Lance.

Found this craigslist post while digging around. Couldn’t tell if the author was serious or what. She (presumably the author is female) gives 15 reasons why geeks and nerds make good boyfriends. Ha! As if. I’m going to debunk that right now…

(These guys make terrible bf’s)

1.”The smooth dude with the sly grin and spider hands?” What the hell does that mean? Yeah, the smooth guy wants to bone the hottie. Everyone wants to bone the hottie. Duh.

2. True

3. Great. Women love it when you go totally overboard with the romantic lovey dovey stuff. Here’s some good advice. Buy her a dozen roses on your first date and write her a poem. Heh heh. See how long that lasts.

4. True. There certainly are plenty of geeks and nerds to choose from. Try any IT or programming department at any company anywhere.

5. Brains, true. Problem is, they’ve got no skillzzz playa!

6. Remembering dates, BORING. That’s why I have a facebook account. Duh.

7. Sex. Hahahaha! Yeah, I dare you to have sex with a nerd! I’m sure that dorky software engineer from the 3rd floor is AWESOME in the sack. Probably lasts all night too and gives great head.

8. Low maintenance, hmm. Yeah, I’ll buy that, that is until you try to break up with your inexperienced, socially awkward dork. See how unneedy, unclingy, and low maintenance he is then.

9. Yeah, they don’t frequent bars, but they DO frequent LAN, pen-and-paper D&D, and Halo 3 parties. Have fun there.

10. Dude, can I get my gf to dress like an elf princess? That’s fucking hot…I’d have to bonk her six times while she was wearing the elf outfit before I even got to the parking lot. Damn, I’m pitching a tent here.

11. Friends aren’t jerks, but they’re socially awkward and kinda lame. Oh yeah, can’t wait till you introduce your hottie girlfriends to your new geek bf’s gamer clan. Talk about social value plummeting, whooosh.

12. They’re not possessive, but again, try breaking up with your geek. Psycho!

13. Everyone is educated these days. Degrees are a dime a dozen.

14. They speak good English and don’t get wasted, sure, I’ll buy that one.

15. What’s wrong with “Damn baby you got a fine ass”? Seriously? I say that one all the time.

So. Nerds, geeks, and social misfits: Good boyfriend material, or best left untouched? YOU DECIDE!

About R. Jean Mathieu

They say he speaks five languages, was conceived on a chess board, and once seduced a tong boss' daughter and lived to tell the tale. All we know is, he's called Roscoe. You can find more scurrilous lies at rjeanmathieu.com and buy his books at fedoraarts.com. View all posts by R. Jean Mathieu

2 responses to “Should You Date a Geek?

  • James

    I wish I could say that most geeks have better taste than to go for the sort of girl that writes for Honey and Lance, but alas… the desperation thing isn’t too far off the mark.

    However, while the first writer does amuse me, she also triggers some minor aggravation. From both angles, we’re dealing with geeks as stereotypes – the first article in particular mentions Mountain Dew specifically dozens of times, as if it was the holy grail of geekdrinks (Bawls+Vodka or another of your Chinatowns’d be more preferable, Mssr. Mathieu). Even as a list of reasons to better consider a geek as a potential mate, most of it is superficial at best, and treats the geek in question in a condescending manner – a pet and a submissive boytoy.

    It isn’t until the last reason given that we get to the core of the matter: geeks treat you as a holistic whole, not as a convenient hole (as an aside, try saying that ten times fast~). The worst we could do is treat you with the same amount of passion as we do with our hobbies – and that “worst” is still many times better and more passionate than what you’d get from the average Joe.

    It would be fair, I think, to treat your geek with as much respect.

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